A Wedding Priest on Call

The most often asked question related to the Catholic Church and Weddings that I hear is “Why can I not get married outdoors by a priest?” ​ A good question. A reasonable question. Many times a bride or a groom will ask me "Why can't we have our marriage “Out in God’s Creation” ​ In answer to the question, I will give my unofficial answer for anyone who may want to know the answer beyond just not understanding why the Catholic Church in many dioceses does not allow outdoor weddings. ​ Many dioceses hang on to the notion that we find God primarily in the Church building. For those of us in our 70s or a few years younger, that is what we learned. The Church where the Blessed Sacrament is kept in the tabernacle is where we best experience the presence of God. That was what we were taught and what I suspect most of us believed prior to the Vatican Council in the 60s. ​ Today like the bride to be I mentioned above, I hear couples say, “Where can I be more close to God than in Nature?” To me that reflects a change in our thinking about religion and spirituality. We tend to be more inclined to believe now that God is everywhere and not just in Church. It is a change in emphasis from doctrine to spirituality. When I was young in the 1950s the Church was about the Baltimore Catechism and what we needed to believe to get to heaven. Unfortunately, some or perhaps many of the bishops and hierarchy in general are still holding on to and emphasizing doctrine. ​ Having been an active priest for 20 years I can appreciate and understand the dilemma of the church maintaining the traditional teaching. Having been a married priest now for 26 years I can easily appreciate what is in the mind and heart and understanding of the faithful, the people of God. ​ Many of the weddings I help with are outdoors. In any case, my goal is to treat the marriage ceremony as sacred no matter where it takes place because of the specialness of what the couple is doing.

There are several options that are open to you. Most Roman Catholic parishes will require that you have at least some connection to them before they allow you to baptize your child. In many cases, the parish will require that the parents be married in the Church, or that they take part in lengthy sacramental preparation programs. If you are open to doing so, seek out a parish where you feel comfortable, meet with the priest and explain that you would like to join the parish and that you have plans to have your child baptized. If you still have parents or relatives living in this area who belong to a parish, ask them to speak to their priest about your request. All Catholics who approach a Catholic priest for any sacrament, or help of any kind should be welcomed and listened to with kindness. If you do not feel that you are being welcomed or treated kindly by your local priest or parish, I assure you that I will treat you with kindness and acceptance – nonjudgmental.

At least one of you should be a Catholic. You do not have to be a practicing Catholic, although it would be encouraged. Why? You are asking that your child be initiated into the People of God--the community of believers. The Church is a community, and your child will need your guidance and example to learn how to live their new faith and be a member of the People of God. None of us is perfect. Your child is not looking for perfection, but merely an example they can come to follow. You are the first and best teachers of your children in the ways of life and faith. Although my role as a Catholic Priest is one of leadership and service, through teaching, prayer and the sacraments; nothing can ever replace the impact you will have on your beloved child. Even if you are not Catholic, or a practicing Catholic, we can talk about baptizing your child and helping you to be the best examples of life and faith for them. Maybe this baptism will become a new beginning for you?

The International Council of Community Churches and all other Christian denominations will recognize your marriage. Because I am no longer ministering within the Roman bureaucracy, however, I lack jurisdiction from that organization to witness marriages on its behalf. It will be recognized as legal by the state. If you wish, you may seek organizational approval from the bureaucratic church through the process called "convalidation": (See below for more details). The Roman bureaucratic Church requires that its members follow the "form" of marriage as established by Canon Law (i.e., you must be married according to the rules and custom laid out in Canon Law). Couples I marry are not following the form of Roman Catholic Canon Law, so the Roman Catholic Church Hierarchy will not recognize them as sacramental. How are married priests able to perform wedding ceremonies? Though the Roman Catholic Church does not recognize the ceremony of a married priest as being “sacramentally valid”, they do recognize the ceremony performed by the married priest to be legal in the eyes of the state. We want to be married in an outdoor ceremony but our priest will only take part in a service in the church. Will you perform an outdoor ceremony? Yes, I will be happy to perform your ceremony at a reception hall, home, or other appropriate setting, inside or outside. Will you perform ecumenical, interfaith, or non-denominational marriages? Yes, as long as you ask God’s blessing on your marriage or commitment to each other, I will be happy, and privileged, to help you.

Christ welcomes everyone to be at his Holy Table. He did not "pick and choose". He wants all of us to be with Him on His spiritual journey. Walking with him to help us become whole in His Father's eyes. We are all called to love and be loved. We are created to bring His love to others and not to shut the door on any of his creatures. "I am the good shepherd; I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for my sheep. And there are other sheep I have that are not of this fold, and I must lead these too. They too will listen to my voice, and there will be only one flock, one shepherd. The Father loves me, because I lay down my life in order to take it up again. No one takes it from me; I lay it down of my own free will, and as I have power to lay it down, so I have power to take it up again; and this is the command I have received from my Father. " John 1: 10-18 What is the process of Convalidation? Convalidation Requirements: Catholics, however, are bound to observe a certain form of marriage ritual in order that their marriage be valid. Canon law—the law of the Church—requires that Catholics enter into marriage by free mutual consent that is witnessed in a church by an authorized bishop, priest, or deacon and at least two other witnesses. Marriages in which one or both parties are Catholic and which are not witnessed by an authorized bishop, priest, or deacon, or which do not receive proper permission to take place in another forum, are considered invalid in the eyes of the Church. It may be that the Catholic who entered into marriage outside the Church did not realize that these requirements existed, but more often, it is because one or both of the spouses was not free to marry in the Catholic Church because of a previous marriage or because they were awaiting an annulment. Also, the Catholic partner(s) may not have been active in the Church and did not consider having a Catholic wedding. The Church very much wants to assist these couples who later want to enter into valid Catholic marriage, and it offers them pastoral and spiritual support as they need it. When these couples are ready and free to do so, they celebrate what is called a convalidation, from the Latin word meaning “to firm up” or “to strengthen.” This is sometimes referred to as the blessing of a marriage. It is important to realize that a convalidation is not merely a renewal of vows made previously but is a new act of consent by each spouse. This new act of consent is essential to marriage, and the words that the couple expresses are the outward sign of the gift of self that they exchange. This convalidation of marriage may be celebrated within Mass or outside of Mass, again depending on the particular situation of the couple. If both are Catholic, it is fitting that the convalidation be celebrated within Mass. If one spouse is not, it is preferable that it be celebrated outside of Mass. Customarily, since the couple’s married life is a known and public fact and may have been so for many years, a simple celebration with an invitation to close family and friends may seem more appropriate than a large celebration. Where appropriate, the priest or deacon who will witness the vows can help you use the Together for Life booklet to prepare the celebration. "In the eyes of the Catholic Church, a couple who has married outside of the Church, it has entered into an invalid marriage. To remedy the situation, the couple must present itself as a couple to the parish priest. It needs to demonstrate that it entered into the non-canonical marriage without malice or deception. Both individuals must show that they are penitent of their misunderstanding and misdeed and that they desire the bond that “by its very nature is perpetual and exclusive” and through which they are “strengthened and, as it were, consecrated for the duties and dignity of their state by a special sacrament” (Canon # 1134).